05 Dec I GOT DAK’D: A Buoy Bowl Rant, A Cowboys Confession, and a Plea for Salvation

The Stakes Are High: Buoy Bowl 2025

The time has come. This weekend, I am facing my destiny in the Howard Stern Fantasy Football League (HSSFFL) Championship—the legendary Buoy Bowl 2025!

I am battling Baba Booey, Fafuy, tata toothy, big tooth, stinky breath, bad rotten infected tongue—whatever you want to call him! My team, Rapaport’s Delight, is ready to take him down, but first, I have to get something off my chest.

I need your prayers, your thoughts, your meditations, or just your good old-fashioned rooting to help me secure this championship. Forget the deep thoughts for a second, just say it out loud: “Yes, I am rooting for Rapaport’s Delight to beat Baba Booey’s team!” Speak it into fruition!

The Inexcusable Fantasy Football Sin: I Got Dak’d

I tried to follow the cardinal rule of fantasy football: There are no feelings in fantasy football.

It doesn’t matter if you like the New York Giants, the Kansas City Chiefs, or the Pittsburgh Steelers—your team is your team, and it supersedes all outside allegiances. Yet, as a New Yorker, historically dealing with anything related to the Dallas Cowboys is a warning sign I should have heeded.

I drafted Dak Prescott.

I am now suffering the consequences. I got Dak’d.

I remember seeing Dak in his first preseason start and saying, “This guy should be starting!” I had high hopes. But the omen is real. The history of Dallas Cowboys quarterbacks—from the good-looking Troy Aikman to the very likable but never-got-it-done Tony Romo—is one of inevitable disappointment.

And now, here we are again. After the high hopes, the healthy hamstrings, and the big contract, Dak Prescott has failed me when I needed him most. And I should have known better than to trust the Cowboys organization.

The Jerry Jones Betrayal

Speaking of not trusting the organization, let’s talk about Jerry Jones.

I spoke so highly of the Cowboys, I made people watch the documentary, but Jones traded Micah Parsons, our former number one defensive player in the league, to the Green Bay Packers. Inexplicably!

Now, the Cowboys are getting cooked, and you know what? Jerry Jones, you are going to get what you deserve! The Green Bay Packers, led by your former defensive star Micah Parsons, are coming back to Dallas to do what they have to do. The fact that the Cowboys never get it done, and now they’re missing an essential piece, is maddening! I am sick of getting duped and Dak’d and CD’d (now that CeeDee Lamb is gimpy, too) by those Dallas Cowboys.

Watch the Rant, Send the Prayers!

I am so sick of it, but I’m still standing. I’m still in the Buoy Bowl, and I need your support.

Forget the meditation, forget the prayers—just root for Rapaport’s Delight to take down Baba Booey’s disgusting team.

Watch the video below to hear the full rant, the full history of my Dak Prescott trauma, and my definitive statement on Jerry Jones’s latest blunder.